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My show is a little bit silly and a little bit pretentious
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Like Shakespeare's willy or Noam Chomsky wearing a strapon,
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It's also a little bit gay and a little offensive,
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Like Thanksgiving Day or Noam Chomsky wearing a strapon,
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So put your cell phones to vibrate,
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And put your vibrators to cell phone mode,
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Welcome to the show it goes a little bit like this,
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JOKE... (laugh)... exactly.
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Welcome to my flow it flows a little bit like this,
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With a rap a dist and a,
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Swift rap on the wrist a wrap and a kiss,
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Like Hershey's wrapping a kiss shit.
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I got a show that'll test ya kids,
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Then ask one question and the question is,
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What's funny? What's funny? What's funny? What's funny?
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What's funny? What's funny? What's funny? Funny? F-funny?
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Oh, Humor is often linked to shared experience,
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Like a guy gets up and says,
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"have you noticed that public restrooms have really inefficient hand dryers,
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Oh my god, yes I have, HA HA HA,
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Really good point, they should fix that,
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Its good to know that somebody finally gets me,
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because my wife divorced me which Sub-Consciously forced me,
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to lose all sense of self.
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So its nice to think about hand dryers and not that cheating whore,
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Because stand up comedy is actually pretty easy,
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If you're an asian comic just get up and say,
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"My mothers got the weirdest fucking accent"
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then just do, a chinese accent, because everybody laughs at the chinese accent,
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Because they privately thought that your people were laughable,
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And now you've given them the chance to express that in public,
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If you're a musical comic, just give 'em a little weird voice inflection
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Then take a Viagra and slap 'em with a rock hard      misdirection
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What's funny? What's funny? What's funny? What's funny?
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What's funny? What's funny? What's funny? Funny? F-funny?
[stop]
TOURETTE'S!
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What's funny? What's funny? What's funny? What's funny?
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What's funny? What's funny? What's funny? Funny? F-funny? And the audience says
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When I was a baby, maybe I laughed at people jiggling keys,
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Now I'm older and bolder,
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And just get mad 'cause i notice that the keys are to a Hummer,
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Fuck my life I don't fuck my wife,
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so fuck my wife and fuck my life,
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and my son is gay, but not sitcom gay,
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My daughter's a whore like another girl who used to be her mother,
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But the marriage made her miss merry americana,
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I want a teen without screaming prima-donna,
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But the radical feminists made my wife a man,
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And if I die happy the situation will be autoerotic asphyxiation,
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I hate my life and it hates me back, 
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and my friend is black, 
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but I don't know what to call him, so I just call him...
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"Yo whatup Jamaal?", 
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Even though his name is Steve,
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I Hate my job I hate my life, hate my kids I hate my wife,
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Jews would know I do it; Judas beat me to it,
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I'm slowly slipping into a solipsistic coma,
 A              [just strum angrily a bunch of times]
And I masturbate because I'm the only one who's standards are low enough to fuck me....

.....
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What's funny? What's funny? What's funny? What's funny?
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 What's funny? What's funny? What's funny? Funny? F-funny?
[stop]
*pop* It's a boy!
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What's funny? What's funny? What's funny? What's funny?
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 What's funny? What's funny? What's funny? Funny? F-funny?
                 D    A D
Hopefully this